On Kobe and #METoo and Emmett Till with Complex Feelings

I may never detail for any public record or accounting the times that men have made me feel uncomfortable or unsure or violated by or about sexual or potentially sexual encounters, but I have those stories like most women.

#MeToo

I admire any person, woman or man, who chooses to speak out against a violation of their personhood. I have my own stories that I may tell or never tell because, without assuming any responsibility for any other person’s actions, how I behaved or what I said or what I felt is gray for me and only me, and I get to decide what to do with the nagging ambiguity that persists after something happens to me and my body that doesn’t quite feel right.

As long as I live, I get to decide now, and in every subsequent moment, if I haven’t always gotten to decide everything along the way, if I want to tell those stories, even if I don’t get to decide what happens if I do.

I know many of us are suffering a collective shock and sadness over the loss of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, and the other persons who died in that horrific helicopter crash. My heart aches for those that survive them. As a mother, especially, my heart aches.

As the news spread, I read articles and comments with my mouth agape, trying to imagine the grief of the mother of his 13 year old daughter and the anguish of the loved ones of all on board. Meanwhile, people online called other people online acknowledging the loss rape apologists…